I’m sure every writer has their own spot that they write from. A special location that inspires them, rejuvenates them, and helps them overcome writer’s block(s). I don’t know if I have found that place yet. I only know that I can hardly write at home. Most of the things I come up with at home are rants about endless assignments that seem to require all of my life to finish.

Well, speaking of a special spot, I am currently sitting at the Brentwood Mall Food Court on a rainy Wednesday evening, not really drinking coffee but green tea instead and listening to Hilary Duff’s “Coming Clean” repeatedly on youtube (yes, lucky for me they have free but unstable internet). I wound up here after waking up too late for a meeting I’m supposed to attend. I still went anyway even though they’ve already finished when I got there. I then decided to make a pit stop here to do some Christmas shopping browsing, but it was disappointing. No wonder Metrotown is so crowded. Good thing I brought my lappy with me.

I am sitting at the bar tables, and the mall is starting to become busy. I am in my own bubble, happily keying away on my laptop and concentrating on the music that’s coming through my earphones. A social outcast, you could say, or even worse: a social reject. I am setting a bad example for the kids. They shouldn’t be so emo like me. But then again, this is something all writers go through. So I feel justified in my cause.

Hopefully in the next few days I’ll put out some read-worthy material. I seriously need to finish my dream blogs. Stay tuned.

It’s the last week of classes. Surely every student is stressed out with all the projects, assignments, papers due, and/or exams.

I am actually sitting in class right now, and so far I haven’t handed in any assignments on time… well, hardly on time. For example, I didn’t finish editing my acting and directing scene until 3pm yesterday when I was supposed to hand it in before noon. Then the 2nd draft of my script is due today in class. The class that I’m in right now as I type this sentence. But the new draft of my script is only 2 scenes in… My video project this semester is due Monday, but I haven’t started editing yet.

AHHhhh I am freaking out over the small amount of time I have for each project, and that I will never be able to do them to the best of my ability. I totally miscalculated how much time We’llcome to the Banquet takes. My entire Sundays are out in terms of getting any school work done. That’s 12hrs worth of work that I have to make up for some time during my week.

Maybe I won’t sleep this week. I’ll morph into a zombie by early next week.

Purple Wristband

Circles my hand

Serves as a reminder

For a night that I will for sure remember

After that conversation

I begin to look into our situation

I have long felt a connection

For which I am craving satisfaction

So help me to understand

Purple wristband

Lead me to his hand

I didn’t intend on staying up on Monday night. But alas, I still had 3 unfinished assignments when I looked at the clock, which read 3:39 AM. I thought I would turn in for the night (or morning?) since I haven’t had enough sleep the past couple of days (from pulling an all-nighter on Sunday night to finish an essay).

I turned off the computer and the big lights in my room. Then I suddenly remembered the Leonid Meteor Shower event. I looked out my window and could only see a little part of the sky. I turned off all the lights for more visibility and changed in the dark. The stars were so bright in the sky after the rain clouds drifted away.

I decided to take the risk of being scalded for not being in bed yet and went downstairs to find mom in front of the computer, like she always is at this hour. I told her to come upstairs with me to look at the shooting stars. She got excited, too, and followed me immediately.

We blocked out the bright street lamp shining right outside our windows on the pathway behind our house. It was hard to squint at the dark sky from inside the house. So we decided to head outside despite the low temperature. I put my ski jacket on top of my pj’s and went to the balcony.

The sky was so clear after the rain. The stars shone brightly and the big/ small dipper were visible as well as Mars. We stood with our heads tilted as if the back of our heads were connected to our back. For the next little while we pointed and looked at different parts of the sky. There were only about a couple of the big ones and a bunch of small ones.

Mom asked if I had made a wish upon seeing one. But they were going by too fast. One blink and they’re gone. So there wasn’t really time to make a wish. Then after a while I saw a bunch of small ones that weren’t clear at all, as if they were behind a screen of dust. I wonder if it’s just my tired eyes playing tricks on me. Mom said it’s only because they’re so far away from us. We stood outside for about half an hour in the cold dark night. But the feeling was warm.

It was the first time both of us ever saw shooting stars, and it was a magical experience.

Here I am at 5 minutes to 6 in the morning. Why? I just pulled my 2nd all-nighter of the semester, and I have possibly written the worst paper in the entire history of my academic life. My one consolation: it’s okay. You did your best. Now move onto the other assignments that you still have yet to finish before this week really starts. GO!

Ugh. It’s just my luck. I can’t believe 3 major assignments from Screenwriting, Film theory, and Directing and Acting are all  due this week! In these two days specifically.

And I’ve dragged on my video project for long enough —I was much busier before with rehearsals and what not— that I have decided to shoot my video this Wednesday. Man, I don’t even know how to end the story. I don’t have a lot of time to plan out my shot list…

So I guess in one aspect, I totally expected that I’d fail Nanowrimo. But I thought I could manage my time better than I had been doing. Like now. Guess I didn’t factor in how much responsibility the Christmas Production really is (even though I am hardly doing anything). I really wanted to start writing my story. Well, not MY story but the story I want to tell. One that I kinda want to experience for myself first? But I don’t think I ever will so it’s like I’m writing out my fantasy? I don’t think I am making sense. But looking at a page filled with words makes me a little satisfied. Especially with the word counter just below this space.

AHhhhhhh I completely forgot about my enrollment appointment later tonight!!!

ohhh my godddd… WHY DOESN’T LIGHTNING STRIKE ME NOW?

The final and last entry —for now. If I ever act again, I’ll continue to document my experiences. But now that The Virgin and the Unicorn has ended its fabulous sold-out 2 nights run, my first acting journey has also come to a close. I feel reluctant to write about it, because that’ll just mean IT REALLY HAS ENDED. Post-show depression, we call it… and the depression is different this time from an actor’s stand-point. Strange. So I keep myself entertained by admiring the unicorns I made and looking at the pictures mom and I took of those unicorns.

Surprisingly, I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I’d be before shows. I was ready for the show to start as soon as house was open. That 15 minutes of waiting ’till the house was full seemed like forever. The audience’s chatter made them sound just as excited and ready as I was backstage holding the gored poodle.

I practiced my lines as I waited, saying them a few times to make sure I was being articulate. Then finally it came time for me to get ready to enter from the side. My heart began pounding as soon as the audience could see me…

Our opening night was our best run ever (in my opinion). Our energy was just superb (guess the audience’s excitement was infectious -they laughed in all the right places) and we picked up on our cues pretty well. Closing night wasn’t bad either —the audience was uproarious in laughter, more so than opening night— but somehow I felt unsatisfied by the way I delivered my “I don’t know” line. That moment wasn’t my best effort, to be honest. But overall the show was still a strong solid performance.

That was the end. The end of my acting journey for now. Thanks for every single one of you that was involved in this production for making my acting debut so enjoyable -or, as Milty put it “it’s been fantastic witnessing your stage virginity being taken away”. A special thanks goes out to Stevie, who let me be a part of her wonderful project and believed in me. I couldn’t ask for a better ensemble! I had lots of fun working on this show and hope you did, too!

1) Our lighting designer is really sick. She didn’t show up for cue-to-cue on Monday because she was in the hospital. Barry helped a little, but it wasn’t satisfactory. Good thing we had others’ help. Hope you get better soon, Celina!

2) I got soooooooo distracted during Tech Dress because the stage management crew wasn’t doing their job. I really wanted to instruct them to do this and that (because I know that’s what should happen having been through this countless times) but I can’t!!! It’s not my place to do so, and Stevie would kill me if I go all techie… I am an ACTOR in this show. ACTOR. Not tech/crew. ACTOR. Or so I keep telling myself.

If I see the back curtain all messy, I sneak to the back, lift the pole that’s weighing it down, pulls the masking straight, stand up quickly, and hope no one notices me. Afterall, I AM AN ACTOR. I shouldn’t be fixing the curtains, I shouldn’t be peeling spike tape off the floor, and I really shouldn’t care about what the eff the stage management team is doing. BUT when they’re not doing their job… anyway, I shouldn’t be saying this. Nor should I be judging… It was just bothering me soooo much to the point that it took me out of my character for the entire tech dress. I was entirely out of it for that run and I totally did Petra injustice by playing her so badly.

After the run, we were sent back to large dress for notes as the other group did their run in the black box. I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I was in a room with hard-working and well-trained actors because I had let them down. I didn’t dare meet their eyes. If my skin was transparent, you’d probably see a fight inside my body: my blood rushing through my veins telling me to just do it all the while my brain is sending signals down my nerves to tell my body to calm down. It was an internal struggle, and I tried to vent, but telling the other actors of course didn’t help (they were being too easy on the SMs —or am I being too harsh?). So I just shut the hell up and kept it to myself. I tried running in the hallway, I tried singing Sleepsong in the stairwell where it echoed well, and I tried retreating in a corner to practice my lines to calm myself. None helped.

Then it came time for us to go back into the space again to rework some stuff (we didn’t have time to run through the entire play again). Thank god Ray took control of the lights so while he was fixing some cues, I grabbed Stevie and talked to her in the dark. I told her that I was having a hard time letting go of my techie instincts, and that it’s bothering me so much to the point that I cannot focus or bring myself in in the playing space. Having been through this numerous times herself (and having been on both sides of the table), she understood what I was going through. A spiel of rants and a couple of hugs later, I felt better. At least I was able to focus when it came time to go back on stage again.

Later that night we basically did what we were supposed to do the night before: cue-to-cue. We fixed a lot of lighting cues and were sent home. I, however, volunteered myself to be a ’stand-in’ even though it was already quarter to eleven at night. So I stayed. I took my wrench, got on a ladder, hung a light and focused it. I could tell my techie skills needed some polishing, as I had forgotten to unplug before loosening the c-clamp. Nevertheless that hour and a half of playing around with lights and gobos was exactly what I needed to kick the techie instinct aside.

It no longer affected my acting tonight at Dress Rehearsal (well, partly because Gary was there -on headset- and partly because there was an audience). But I was able to overlook the things that was making me uneasy and just focus on being Petra. I was still nervous though, this time because I was performing, for the first time ever, in front of an audience!

[Whew, they don't call them directors for nothing! If I didn't talk to Stevie then, I think I would have had an actor's nervous breakdown]

We’re opening in TWO DAYS!!!

I am not nervous yet. I got nervous sitting in the audience at week one’s performances on Friday. I knew that in a week’s time, me and the people on stage will have switched places… Actually, thinking about it just now makes me a little jittery. Friends are coming to see me act for the first time ever -on stage, and I hope that they will be entertained. (It sucks that I won’t be able to reserve more than two tickets. I can’t guarantee if my friends will get to see the show!)

I think (and hope) that I have figured out who Petra is. Or, at least I have figured out the part of her that we see. During Sunday’s rehearsal, we worked the last scene of the play a few times with different intentions. That really helped my emotional journey and determined what we leave the audience with at the end of the play. Did I ever tell you that I have the last line in the play? Even though we’ve already been rehearsing for two weeks, this play is still very intriguing and exciting to be a part of.

By the way, if you would like to come see the show, just pick up tickets at the Box Office after 6pm on the day of (Thursday or Friday). But no reservations are allowed anymore (‘cept cast/crew each gets 2) so you’d better show up early, pick up a ticket to guarantee your seat, and chill out somewhere. Or grab a bite to eat. The dress rehearsal on Wednesday is open to the public as well, and I highly encourage you to attend that one so we make room for Thurs/Fri shows. SFU Theatre Studio II 7pm.

In less than 2 days, I will be attempting to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. This is my first time participating in the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month).

In order to write 50k words in 30 days, I’d have to write a minimum of 1,667 words per day. You might think I’m crazy to do this while taking 5 classes, 2 of them theory and reading/writing intensive. On top of that, I am in rehearsal for the first week of November, then I have to do my video project for this semester. Well, maybe I am just a tad insane to have taken this on. But I love a good challenge. Without challenges, what do I strive for in life?

Wish me luck! :)

So, for the past couple of rehearsals, we’ve been working mostly on scene two. And I’m not in scene two at all. So that means I get to take it easy, rest well, get more sleep, and prepare myself for the next rehearsal.

Honestly, I don’t miss acting that much. But I do miss the rehearsals, which I am not required to stay (at least for the last two rehearsals).

Meanwhile, I still think a lot about Petra. Even though we’re suppose to leave everything (emotion-wise) in the playing space after each rehearsal (through the process of “hunker”), I feel that she is always a part of me.

I am still excited every time I go in the space as Petra —mostly because I have the last line in the play, but also because I am  inconspicuous yet  observant in the house of Dumphrey. She is a pretty straight-forward character to play. I am still struggling with the “yes no” line though. I need to find meaning to those yes and no’s. I can’t quite grasp what each one means. So I still think that I can play that line better… I just need to do more work.

Alright, this entry is pretty much the shortest. I don’t really have anything to say (acting-wise) except that I finally go through the past weekend. It was a straight 5hr rehearsal, 7hr film shoot, less than 5hrs of sleep, and 7hrs of rehearsal in two days. Insanely busy and physically exhausting.

Anyway, Kugler is coming to our run(s) tomorrow. I am not nervous. Yet. Should I be? “Yes no yes no yes no. Now I’ll worry and worry.”