Time to Revamp Myself

Wow, I let time pass by too quickly before I write more posts. It’s almost another month since my last post, which was about my graduation screening… Now my film’s on its festival circuit (well, hopefully) and my summer’s kept busy with volunteer stage managing gigs with local theatre companies.

Honestly I did draft up a post on May 16th that I was very eager to post because it concerned me a great deal. But since it’s so personal, I didn’t want to put it out before it’s ready. And getting it ready is taking a long time. I think I’ve been putting it off because I am dreading dealing with it. It’s hard when the subject of your writing is politically controversial as well as being close to the heart.

Another reason -and I don’t mind if you want to slap me for this, that I’ve been delayed in putting out any writing, is that I finally got a twitter account… Yeah, jumped on the social media bandwagon. For what it’s worth, I don’t know how I feel about it yet. I like that I am up to date with the going-on’s of my favourite musicians, but at the same time it’s like the whole world is throwing their one-cent at you and everything’s revolving too fast for me. I guess I have to start admitting that I am getting OLD. Technology is going to outlive me! That’s why it’s time to update everything me. That means my websites, my resume, my credentials, and my blogs (I’m thinking of starting a new blog to focus specifically on GLBTQ issues) all need a make-over. Gotta start marketing and make a name for myself! God knows it’ll pay off and come in handy one day.

Last but not least, I’ve dedicated my writing time (however little it has dwindled down to) to write a short story based on my hopeless and loveless romantic life. So far it’s at 4 pages, and as I continually to be inspired by what I see, the story is ever evolving into a satisfactory piece of fine writing (at least I think so).

Okay, there you have it! And I thought it was gonna be a quick update… I guess with the next post coming, this one could count as short :P

 

The World and Me

Lots of things are happening in the world lately what with US government shut-down controversy, Japan earthquakes and tsunami, and the minority government re-election in the homeland… But lots of things are also happening in the micro-world of mine. In this new digital age, I’ve seem to shortened my attention span. I lose interest in reading long articles that are of the informative nature, watch videos half-way through, can’t focus on completing one simple task and would move on to something else or get distracted.

I suppose this is the problem a lot of kids today have. No doubt it’s giving parents headaches. I mean, while I recognize that it’s an alarming issue, I don’t know what I can do about it other than the good ol’ will-power to restrain myself. Since my attention spans have gotten shorter, so have the thoughts that linger in my head. They come and go really quickly, and if I don’t grasp it right then, I may never find it back.

[insert case-in-point tangent off on SFU LipDub happenings. 15mins later: I'm back here, pondering exactly what was the point I was trying to make]

I guess all it comes down to is that because my world is a little crazy at the moment, I can’t process other worldly information (that might be of importance but would require investigation and understanding). The good news is that once my world is not so insane any more, I’d start to pay more attention, probably. I am at picture lock with my grad film. So that means I finally move onto sound work! And I’ve just finished one short documentary as a final project for another class. I was very proud of myself I managed to make it somewhat decent! Things are certainly coming to a close now that the semester’s over, but I am still functioning in post-production mode and handling full work-loads.

Today in the Burnaby Newsleader (our local newspaper), I read that an online identity is like a tattoo: even though it is in the cyber world, it can leave a long-lasting mark if not maintained properly and carefully. The metaphor struck me. Everyone has, to a certain degree of prominence, a version of themselves on the internet. But I would think that those images of us would be the best ones we present. Because, let’s admit it, we are intelligent animals with egos. We’d go at lengths to let others know about our accomplishments. Who really wants to create bad impressions? So I’ve never thought about the negative consequences of poor choices that reflect in the images of us on the interwebz. Maybe because I have none -or so I think- I’ve neglected to see the other, ugly side of a virtual identity. Or maybe it’s because I still approach every bit of information I receive from the internet with skepticism.

Whatever may be the reason, this “good” and “bad” stuff is purely objective. I think what we can do is create the best representations of ourselves on the ‘net. When I say best I do not wholly mean “positive”, I also mean the most accurate reflections of our own uniqueness. That is the only way we can do ourselves justice.

 

Titles

I hate coming up with titles, especially when I KNOW what I want to write but can’t come up with a decent enough post title. It just sucks. And I don’t want to write until I’ve come up with one. I am very anal about this. No title no post.

So it doesn’t matter how much I want to write or how dire the words are dancing at the tips of my fingers waiting for me to press those keys and arrange letters into recognizable patterns. Sadly, unless I settle on a good enough title, there will be no post. That could perhaps explain why I write so little sometimes.

The other times… I just get lazy and have no time. My thoughts are too long and messy for a comprehensive blog post. That or I could never finish my thoughts and drafts that I’ve started in the hopes of recording those long thoughts.

Anyway. Just saying. I’d like to post more. But titles are in the way.

 

Mental Exhaust

Tonight I made a decision.

I looked back and saw your eyes crying out for help. Or companionship. Anything except to be left alone. It was like I looked through you and saw your suffering soul. You were alone with your drink. That, by any standard, is a bad sign. So I waded against the current and greeted you with half a smile.

You were searching for answers in a pool of stirred emotions. I couldn’t hand you what you want nor what you need. I wonder how misery can be trapped in such beautiful eyes. You spoke with a certain kind of softness, a voice that is on the edge of breakdown. I smell whiskey from your breath: a measurement of how dire your life is. I wish I knew you, and you me so we can both be each other’s comfort and support at times like this.

I didn’t want to leave you alone with your drink. But I had to go with the girls. I cannot get pictures of you falling apart out of my head. It’s something I never want to see. A beautiful soul I know is unraveling thread by thread, and for once I stand helpless. But I cannot let you become undone. No matter how fragile you are, you are a soul worth saving.

Tonight I made a decision.

My mind has been telling me that I need to write. But I’m scared all that will come out is a whole whack load of rant caused by drama from this past weekend. I admit it, you got to the best of me [you backstabbing piece of crap]. I cannot forgive myself for ever being friends with you, or get over the fact that, despite what I did, I cared.

I am mentally exhausted (quite literally). I don’t want to write a page’s worth of paragraphs trying to clear misunderstandings when all it does is make me think more about all your bullshit. You are a friend I can do without in my life, and it’s probably better that way. There are more important things in life than being drunk, stoned and rowdy.

My words are too precious and more useful in depicting fragments of myself. I should know better than to use it to vent. How I wish it wasn’t this therapeutic; I feel like I am cheating on writing.

 

Calls for a Reply

Why do most of my writing inspirations come up at late nights, when I am fatigued and unable have the luxury of time to finish my thoughts? Is time truly measurable? Or is it more metaphorical? It looks linear, but really, is it not circular?

Speaking of time… what’s with the kids in our generation having short attention spans? We never seem to focus for a long time, whether it be working on a project or studying for an exam. There are way too many distractions. The world wide web ranks number 1, then our own weak wills follows closely behind.

Why is my thinking and writing specific to my computer (or a particular one that “feels” right), or else I can’t write? The last time I tried writing somewhere else, it took me an hour and a half just to proofread a draft that I had written the night before…

Why do I sacrifice sleep for my writing? Is it really that important? Why do inspirations come late at night, when it’s silent and dark? And do I owe it a documentation? What if I don’t write it down and it never comes back? Do I find something else to lament or do I go back and attempt a search for a less satisfying topic, like…

You fall for me yet you don’t know me. You fail to grasp the details that make me who I am. And here I thought I was the cruel one, not giving you what you want to make you happy. But I now realize that I should stop punishing myself for what had happened. Why do I even try to be your friend? You say you care, but really you’re no better than an amnesic. Either that or you’re always drunk when you talk to me because you don’t seem to remember anything about me. So, seriously. Figure yourself out first before you try to figure me out. ‘Cuz whatever you’re doing now ain’t working, girl.

I write and then I write some more. Thinking goes on all day, and I only have a more or less 4-hour window to jot everything down. I wish the world is more innocent. What if things aren’t as complicated as they seem? Would I have a smaller brain? Or maybe it’d be all the same.

 

A Writing Session

I think I may have found my coffee corner. But it’s not exactly a “coffee” corner. Rather, it’s an A&W corner. I am sitting at a booth (with free wireless internet —who would’ve thought!?) with the outlet right beside me. So I am plugged in on the one hand and on the other hand I’m holding fries from my preferred fast food restaurant. Perfect! Sounds like a good start. The music’s not bad and the chatter is minimal (‘cept the Chinese woman at the booth in front of me just started talking loudly on her phone =___=)

Nonetheless, without inspiration, nothing else can make a writing session less frustrating. I am sitting here without ideas. (Actually I could work on those 2 dream posts, but I am reluctant because it’ll take soooo long…) I instead surf the net, hoping something will pop in my head and get me started. No luck. I guess there really isn’t anything I could do to help that…

“You’re such a writer,” says a friend in a MSN conversation last night. True, I suppose, to some extent. I think I only know 2 other friends who would go out with their laptop to a coffee shop and type away on the keyboards. Who would spend time to go out to write except those who write as a hobby or as an occupation?

I don’t mind being alone. I don’t mind sitting here alone. In fact, it is quite satisfying that I can work without distraction, so I guess I’ll be eating a lot of fast food in the next few days/weeks/months (as if I don’t already)? And I’ll definitely see a lot more orange from now on. Here’s to a good partnership, A&W!

 

Coffee Corner

I’m sure every writer has their own spot that they write from. A special location that inspires them, rejuvenates them, and helps them overcome writer’s block(s). I don’t know if I have found that place yet. I only know that I can hardly write at home. Most of the things I come up with at home are rants about endless assignments that seem to require all of my life to finish.

Well, speaking of a special spot, I am currently sitting at the Brentwood Mall Food Court on a rainy Wednesday evening, not really drinking coffee but green tea instead and listening to Hilary Duff’s “Coming Clean” repeatedly on youtube (yes, lucky for me they have free but unstable internet). I wound up here after waking up too late for a meeting I’m supposed to attend. I still went anyway even though they’ve already finished when I got there. I then decided to make a pit stop here to do some Christmas shopping browsing, but it was disappointing. No wonder Metrotown is so crowded. Good thing I brought my lappy with me.

I am sitting at the bar tables, and the mall is starting to become busy. I am in my own bubble, happily keying away on my laptop and concentrating on the music that’s coming through my earphones. A social outcast, you could say, or even worse: a social reject. I am setting a bad example for the kids. They shouldn’t be so emo like me. But then again, this is something all writers go through. So I feel justified in my cause.

Hopefully in the next few days I’ll put out some read-worthy material. I seriously need to finish my dream blogs. Stay tuned.

 

NaNoWriMo

In less than 2 days, I will be attempting to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November. This is my first time participating in the NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month).

In order to write 50k words in 30 days, I’d have to write a minimum of 1,667 words per day. You might think I’m crazy to do this while taking 5 classes, 2 of them theory and reading/writing intensive. On top of that, I am in rehearsal for the first week of November, then I have to do my video project for this semester. Well, maybe I am just a tad insane to have taken this on. But I love a good challenge. Without challenges, what do I strive for in life?

Wish me luck! :)

 

It’s Thanksgiving

…I think I should have the decency to at least take the time to thank my readers. I appreciate the care and thought you put into our friendship by visiting and understanding (or not) somewhat the inner philosophical part of me.

I appreciate your patience as you bare with me through countless nights of rants and randomness that are not of top quality work here at w i g g l e  R o 0 O m. I think a re-evaluation of my blogging life is in order. School is taking a lot of creative energy out of me, so there has no satisfactory work here for the past little while. But I assure you that more interesting pieces shall make their appearances in the near future. Or maybe just more insights into my raw and fragile mind.

I also want to thank you for all the wonderful feedbacks and encouragements that I may or may not want to, but should, hear. Friends, I applaud you for following me on this writing journey.

Much love,

w i g g l e  R o 0 O m

 

The Other Place

I never mentioned this before. I moved here (to this blog) from my Windows Live Spaces blog. But I kinda wish I had started everything here. My first blog post there was in August 2005 (Yeah, way back when I was going into grade 12). As the time progressed, I added more entires.

Reading them in chronological order is kind of like watching someone grow up. You can tell from my writing that I’m slowly maturing and starting to see things from a different point of view. Undoubtedly, that blog has a few good posts that may be worthwhile to read and probably more interesting than the ones I’ve been writing here lately. I haven’t really any insipiration for good writing recently. It has mainly about my struggles (which, you can see, are all password protected because I don’t let a lot of people in). Another thing is that I get way more visits and comments there than here… but I don’t mind that. I don’t write for others, I write for myself. Writing helps me to straighten my thoughts out so I can better understand it.

Having said that, the posts in my space are like reports to my viewers… what I’ve been doing, what’s on my mind, what have I accomplished in the last week, etc. So I am not ready to let that go yet (meaning I will not delete my spaces blog). I like having a document of the past. Some of the more interesting posts that you might find interesting as well:

The Unseen -March 28th, 2007

My Conscious Brain Asks -Feb. 17th, 2006 (ignore the comments in this one -.-)

The other interesting ones are in Mandarin… so you can go hunting if you so wish :P But I this is my homebase now. I love it here much more than Windows Spaces!

ps- some of the items on the wishlist I had for Christmas ’05 is still on my wishlist today! Isn’t that insane?